


Human

by alainey



Series: Old Stuff from League of Fics [6]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Institute of War mention, M/M, Rivalry, more outdated stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 00:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18354764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alainey/pseuds/alainey
Summary: Shen can feel himself falling apart.Written for the prompt: Zed/Shen, but is it possible for it to correspond with the song Human by Christina Perri?





	Human

Shen can feel himself falling apart.

Everything has been building up—every glimpse of Zed, every reminder that he wasn’t strong enough to fix things, every uninvited memory of happiness. They pile up in his mind like grains of rice, and Shen thinks he might be drowning.

He wishes that, when they were kids, he could have told Zed how much he meant to him. How grateful Shen was, to have a best friend who understood him, who challenged him, who brought feeling into his closed off, ‘balanced’ world. He wishes he could have told Zed how much he cared for him—as a rival, and a person.

And Shen wonders if any of it could have helped. He wonders if anything he might have said could have prevented Zed’s ultimate decent into shadow; could have helped Zed realize that he didn’t need to change. He regrets not being able to try.

Now, seeing Zed walking through the Institute, shoulders back and head high, causes Shen to grit his teeth. The soft chuckle he makes when Syndra greets him sends waves of regret through Shen’s stomach. And the underhanded taunts he makes on the rift are just more knives through Shen’s heart.

More grains of rice—more unwanted memories. Shen can’t take much more of it.

Every day, more layers of his barrier fall—his emotionless, unbiased exterior giving way to tortured, terrified, and utterly human self.

But despite everything, Shen still finds himself wanting the old Zed, his Zed, to return. He can’t stop himself from hoping that one day, his best friend will realize what he’s become. He’d mend the mistakes he’s made, and replace all the missing pieces of Shen’s life—just like he used to.

And though Shen knows it’s an absurd wish, he can’t seem to let it go. He doesn’t know if he ever will.

He’ll carry on as best he can—as strong willed and level headed as ever. But with each reminder of his best friend, Shen wonders how long he’ll last. His barriers won’t be able to hold up forever, and, one day, he knows he’s going to break.

For Shen isn’t a machine—some sort of unfeeling master of judgement—no matter how hard he may try to emulate one. No, Shen is human, and despairingly so.

And humans can only take so much.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a throwback - I still think about this fic whenever I hear Human by Christina Perri haha. 
> 
> Crossposted from leagueoffics, I wrote this back in 2014. Find me [here](https://twitter.com/alainey_lee) on twitter!


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